ARE YOU AN OPTIMIST OR A PESSIMIST?

‘If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.

Rabbi Harold Kushner

How did you start your day?

What were your first feelings on waking?

Were you expecting a perfect day or just twenty-four hours of hassle?

Are you thinking like an optimist or a pessimist?

It’s not what happens to you that counts but rather how you deal with what happens to you. I know, things do go wrong, and life can be demanding and challenging, but we can still choose the quality of our experiences. Optimism and confidence go hand in hand.

The Law of Attraction says that we create whatever we think about. We live within an electromagnetic field and every thought we have charges the energy field with vibrations. Like attracts like and this is why pessimistic people really are always having such a bad time (negative patterns attract all other forms of negativity). Optimistic people feel upbeat and attract good outcomes because positive thought patterns attract more positivity into their lives. Try this checklist and discover how much of an optimist you are.

The Optimist’s Checklist

• Is your cup half full or half empty?

• Do you expect the best to happen?

• Do you believe that you can change your reality?

• Are you a positive thinker?

• Can you relax and let go sometimes?

• Do you love your life?

• Are you generally a happy person?

Optimists have confidence in themselves and in the universe. Choose to act like an optimist and just feel the difference in the quality of your life.

For Coaching and more Confidence tips visit http://www.lyndafield.com

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from the book, Instant Life Coach by Lynda Field

ADDICTED TO YOUR PHONE?

Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever.
Horace Mann

Ah yes, don’t we know it’s true; those precious 1,440 minutes per day are certainly whizzing by. But hey, who’s got the time to stand around appreciating those sparkling time slots when there’s just so much to do and so few golden hours to do it in? We might even be wondering if we have the time to be happy!
Journalist Carl Honoré came face to face with this dilemma when he found himself speed-reading his daughter’s bedtime story. We have all had mad moments like this when we suddenly stopped and realized that we had forgotten the real reason that we were doing something in the first place. Fast forward (actually make that slow forward!) to this evening when you: sit down to dinner; chat with friends; put your child to bed; make love…will you be enjoying every moment or will you be going through the motions of doing the task with your eye on the time? When Carl Honoré realized how his desperation to do more was taking him into the realms of the absurd he decided to fight back. The result was his internationally acclaimed book, In Praise of Slow, which has precipitated a worldwide movement that challenges the cult of speed. He describes being ‘slow’ as meaning ‘ living better in the hectic modern world by striking a balance between fast and slow.’ No worries then about throwing out your laptop and dishwasher and getting back to Stone Age basics.
Today we will be looking at ways to strike that magical balance between enjoying the amazing diversity of the material world and remembering to take pleasure in each and every precious moment of our lives. ‘If only I just had more time;’ how often do you say this? And what do you tell yourself that you would be doing with this extra stash of hours? I know you are busy and there are things that must be done before you can relax, but why not try a new approach. Instead of fighting the clock let’s find a way to work with it. When you have a realistic and healthy approach to the concept of time you will find it possible to do more of all those wonderful things that make you happy. I can sense your resistance; perhaps you have read a few too many articles about time management; writing lists and prioritizing. I know how you feel, and if you could see me now in my office with lists and research papers and notes cluttering every surface you would realize that I am on your side. I’m not knocking ‘to do lists’ but I do know that it takes more than this to get our lives into a happy balance.

Hurried woman syndrome

Mahatma Gadhi once commented that, ‘There is more to life than increasing its speed’ and he was certainly on to something even then. I wonder what the great spiritual leader and political activist would have made of our rushaholic times?
The Hurried Woman Syndrome (HWS) has been recognised as a new epidemic among British women and was first identified by Texan doctor, Brent Bost. The women’s magazine Prima has conducted the first UK study of the condition by questioning 10,000 women. More than 75% of these women showed signs of HWS. Now, are you wondering what the symptoms might be or do you know only too well what they are? You probably won’t be surprised to hear that hurried women are overweight, tired and have a low sex drive!
Ruth Tierney, Features Editor of Prima, said: ‘The results were shocking…Many of the women we interviewed instantly identified with the vicious circle of symptoms, which often begins with tiredness, leading to an increase in appetite, weight gain, and a loss of interest in sex and exercise. These changes kick-start a cycle of emotional symptoms including a lack of self-esteem, irritability, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, and a drop in motivation.’ Ah, so perhaps now you know why you are not always at your fabulous best. But what’s to be done?
Ms Tierney says, ‘It seems the answer to this very modern condition is to go back to basics, and to stop trying to be the perfect wife, mother and employee.’ And Dr Bost concluded that all us HW’s should: ‘Do the things granny would have told you to do. Basically, slow down and smell the roses, set priorities and realise you have limits.’
Before you shout in protest that you haven’t got the time to smell a rose, or indeed anything else, let’s get all this into perspective; you are not the only who is in a hurry. Sociologist have now recognised the widespread effects of what they call ‘time famine’ which they suggest is due in part to our increasingly speed driven methods of communication. Our phones ensure that we are immediately contactable and that instant email/text whizzing through the ethers often demands a similarly instant response. A Harvard Medical School doctor has even invented the term ‘pseudo ADD’ to describe the people who compulsively check their phones and emails every 30 seconds and so are unable to focus on whatever they are supposed to be doing.
On his website http://www.inpraiseofslow.com Carl Honoré, using the word ‘slow’ as shorthand for a new approach to time and space, talks about the concept of slow email. He says: ‘These days, even technophiles are warming to the idea of speed limits on the information superhighway. A senior manager at IBM now appends this rallying cry to every email he sends: “Read your email just twice each day. Recapture your life’s time and relearn to dream. Join the slow email movement!” Mmm you might possibly be thinking that your boss would not be too keen on this idea; but it’s easy to relate to Carl’s approach. Are you hooked on checking your phone and your email? Would you like to recapture some of your life’s time? Start thinking about how you could you begin to do this.

Coaching and confidence boosting at http://www.lyndafield.com

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from my book, Fast Track to Happiness.

10 WAYS TO GET SUPER MOTIVATED!

1 Ditch the ‘armchair contemplation’. When you think and think about doing something it can really feel like you are getting on with it but unfortunately this is not the case. There comes a time when thinking must be converted to action.

2 Make a list / cull your lists. If being orderly is not your style then introducing some structure to the chaos might be just what you need. On the other hand if you are surrounded by lists then the sheer number of jobs will defeat you. Identify your top three priorities and let that be your only list.

3 Accept that you are not perfect. If you don’t you will be unable to get going because whatever you do will never feel ‘good enough’.

4 Trust yourself. Remember past successes and achievements. Recollect some good decisions you have made. You have followed through for yourself in the past and you can do it again.

5 Consider the carrots! Think of the rewards of getting going; what will it feel like to have completed the task? How pleased will you be?

6 Stick to the knitting. This old phrase says it in a nutshell. Once you have made the commitment to act stick with it and keep going, do whatever needs to be done. Feel the self-respect!

7 Act confidently. Step up to the plate, even if you are feeling unsure. A courageous leap will energize, motivate and enthuse you – just do it!

8 Stop waiting to feel in the right mood. Days, weeks and months can pass while you wait to feel ready to act. You might never feel ready, particularly if the task hasn’t got a passion quotient of 10/10; meanwhilethe pressure mounts.

9 Become aware of your excuses. What strategies do you use to subvert your goals? Realize that they just won’t wash any more.

10 Take the decision to be motivated. Let this strong intention override all your apparent inner and outer obstacles. Act as if you are motivated and you will feel motivated – be the change you seek.

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from my book, The Self-Esteem Coach

Coaching and confidence boosting at http://www.lyndafield.com

DEVELOP YOUR INTUITIVE POWERS

Scientific research demonstrates that a gut reaction is a physical as well as an emotional response. There is a large knot of nerve cells in our stomachs that can respond to any emotional condition and affect our unconscious decisions. Later, when these decisions become conscious, we may become aware that this is something we ‘knew’ about all along. As we have seen, the more we practice using our intuitive powers the stronger and more reliable they become.

Try the following:

• Take your intuition seriously.  Give it the respect it deserves and make time every day to listen in to your inner voice. Find a quiet spot, relax and let your mind rest. Thoughts will come and go but just keep coming back to following your breathing. In this relaxed state you are more aware of your inner world.

• Bring a situation to mind and ask your intuition for guidance. You might get an immediate response but most likely the answer will come later when you are doing something else. Don’t expect anything, but know that you have expressed a strong intention here and you have sown a seed that will develop and grow.

• Begin to notice your natural instinctive responses in your day to day life. For example when you ‘pick up’ on someone’s mood and ‘know’ that this would be a bad time to ask for a favour. Or maybe what you thought of as a ‘coincidence’ begins to take on more meaning and you see a message there. Your inner voice is only really an extension of your everyday awareness, so practice being intuitive.

• Turn inwards to check your response whenever a difficult situation arises and you don’t know what to do.  Ask yourself what ‘feels’ right here. If there is no reply then that in itself is a message not to react, and to bide your time.

If you make good friends with your intuition you will have a strong, reliable (inner) partner for life.

Coaching and confidence boosting at http://www.lyndafield.com

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from my book, Fast Track to Happiness

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO LOVE?

Love addiction: Are you at risk?

Are you in love with being in love? I think it’s fair to say that we all want love in our lives; most of us would like a powerful, sexy and enduring romance with a wonderful man. But sometimes our desire to be in love can turn us into ‘love junkies’. The important thing to remember is that lust is blind. In those first heady days as your PEA levels shoot through the ceiling your love choices, decisions and judgements are suspect: you are not your usual self and might not be for a few months. But even as time passes and the love drug becomes less effective, you might still be hooked in a slightly different way; you could now be in the next stage of the relationship only to discover that you have been obsessing about a totally unsuitable man. Sounds crazy? Well actually it’s very common; we have all been there at one time or another. Most of us have made relationship mistakes and women do so love to try to change a challenging man. It can be hard for us to accept that our love object is not who we thought he was or who we want him to be and sometimes we will spend years trying to alter him; this is another form of love addiction.

Try the risk assessment below to check whether you have ever shown any of the symptoms.

Love addiction risk assessment

• You have been ‘head over heels’ and high on love.

• You moved on to the next affair as soon as the fireworks stopped and you have repeated this pattern a number of times.

• He withdrew his attention and you chased after him (continually contacting him and trying to make things right).

• You compromised yourself sexually to please him.

• You stopped going out with friends and stayed in waiting for him to call.

• You turned a blind eye to his shortcomings and excused his bad behaviour.

• He abused you physically, mentally or emotionally and you stayed in the relationship.

• There was an empty space inside you that you believed only he could fill.

• You continually wondered about what he thought of you.

• He was critical.

• You were low in self-confidence.

• You were always trying to please him.

• He was emotionally withdrawn.

Perhaps you are feeling addicted to love right now. If so, don’t despair, it is not a fatal condition! In fact as soon as you get wise to the way you get hooked on certain men, you learn something very important about yourself and your behaviour in relationships. This information leads to increased self-awareness and self-confidence as you change your negative patterns and begin to magnetize the love you deserve.

Coaching and confidence boosting at http://www.lyndafield.com

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from my book, Weekend Love Coach

10 WAYS TO GET BACK ON TRACK

Some people seem to have an obvious path ahead of them: they know what they love to do; they are clearly focused career wise and maybe they are even in a great relationship. But although they might look as if though have got it made, you can be quite sure that they have had to carve out these happy outcomes for themselves and they have to keep on working on them to maintain them. Our lives are a creative endeavour; we bring our energy, hopes, beliefs and expectations into the arena and make our life what we will.
You are unique, amazing and wonderful and you came here for a purpose. And when you are engaged in activities that match your strengths and talents then you will feel this sense of purpose flowing through you and your life will feel meaningful and happy.
When clients come for coaching they are often looking for that inner spark of creative energy that will get them back on track again. We all lose direction at times and when this happens we feel as though we are not getting the most from life; and we are not! Some clients actually say that they feel as if they are on the wrong path. When someone describes their life in this way I usually take them back to basics and we look at how they can get back on track again. I find that people have often forgotten what they are good at and are not using their unique creativity in a way that satisfies their soul; if you are feeling like a square peg in a round hole then you will know what this means.

10 Ways to get back on track

1 Pursue your passions. Do more of what you love to do. Act when you feel that ‘get up and go’ energy coursing through you. I am always telling clients that they will only achieve their goals if they are mad about them and this is so true. We are usually attracted to a course of action which draws on our skills, so begin to notice what attracts you and develop this.

2 Notice where your energy flags and you lose interest. If you are bored by a prospective project it usually means that you are not going to give it your all. Ask yourself if this course of action suits you. Are you doing this because you think you ought to or because someone else expects you to?

3 Follow your instincts. Don’t just deliberate and evaluate.
Start to check into your gut feelings. What does your instinct tell you to do? What feels good? Use your head and your heart to come to a decision and when you just know something is right then follow that knowledge.

4 Make a list of your skills and strengths. Name your talents; get them down in black and white. What are you good at? Brainstorm and create a list of your unique personal qualities.

5 Act with discrimination. When you feel that you are just putting in time then it is a sign that you are running way below your potential. If you feel like this in any area of your life begin to question your motives. Why are you doing whatever you are doing? What action would you prefer to be taking?

6 Be ready to make changes. If you are a feeling like the proverbial square peg then it’s time to find a new niche that fits you. Change can be unsettling but if you decide to welcome it then it can feel liberating! Approach potential life transformations with a pioneer spirit and let the excitement of the new carry you through.

7 Stay open and aware. You never know what might be around the next corner. Adopt a hopefully expectant response and you will attract exciting new outcomes. Stay in the positive zone and remember that anything is possible!

8 Tap into your creative energy. When you lose yourself in a task you are reaching creative heights as you become totally engaged and lose any sense of self-consciousness. Ask yourself when this happens for you. What does this insight tell you about yourself?

9 Make a commitment. As soon as your heart and mind know what you need to do to bring the oomph back into your life then you must commit wholeheartedly to following this through. Nothing less than 100% commitment will do. Take that first step towards activating your plan and you are on your way.

10 Trust. Trust yourself, your dreams and the universe. There are no lucky breaks; you make your own luck. There are no coincidences, you attract the circumstances you need to realise your goals. Believe that you will fulfil your purpose and you will!

Coaching and confidence boosting at http://www.lyndafield.com

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from my book, Weekend Life Coach

18 IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER

• Dreams can come true – believe in them.

• We are all connected.

• How to say what you mean – life will be a breeze.

• The more you give, the more you will receive.

• Expect the best – you get what you expect.

• You create your own reality.

• Forgiveness creates happiness – decide to let go.

• You are divine!

• Everyone is doing the best they can.

• How to say ‘no’ – you will stop being a victim.

• Every cloud has a silver lining.

• Everything changes – bad times will pass.

• Your life has meaning and purpose.

• How to accept a compliment – smile and say thanks.

• The universe supports you.

• Persistence pays – don’t take no for an answer.

• You are incredible.

• How to smile dazzlingly – it will light up your life.

Take time each day to remember at least one of these things and you will feel the benefits.

Coaching and confidence boosting at http://www.lyndafield.com

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

ARE YOU TRYING TO KEEP EVERYONE HAPPY?

Of course we all want to be liked, it’s part of human nature to seek the approval and consensus of others. But have you noticed how sometimes even though you have done your very best you just seem to face critical comments from the very people you were trying to please? Perhaps you can remember when this last happened to you and how you reacted. A client recently said to me that she wished that she didn’t have such thin skin and that she could shrug off negative comments with a smile. Once we had begun to concentrate on her own levels of self-belief she found that she didn’t care so much about what people thought of her as long as she felt good about herself. The key to happy and confident relationships is to stop taking everything so personally.

Criticism can hurt us terribly and cause us deep unhappiness but we can learn ways to control this emotional reaction. Happy people don’t accept the blame for everything that goes wrong but neither do they expect themselves to be perfect. It is most unfortunate that one of the main symptoms of unhappiness is the feeling of deep self-criticism: we find it hard to love and appreciate ourselves when we are down. In fact we become our own worst critics and this of course leads to a further depression of our spirits.
Next time you are feeling judged and found wanting by another person don’t just go to that unhappy place where you want to shrivel up and disappear. Instead, start to become aware of your own individual reactions to the criticism of others. Consider this: if you didn’t believe that you deserved a particular criticism then you would be able to laugh it off wouldn’t you? It would be just like water pouring off a duck’s back.
Chat show host Oprah Winfrey is very impressed by a book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Agreements. In his book Don Miguel talks about our over-willingness to take everything personally which he says is a result of our being conditioned to fit into what our society deems to be ‘acceptable’. He calls this conditioning process ‘domestication’ and says that it leaves us wanting to be liked by everyone and striving to be clever, stylish and sexy so that we can please all the people in our lives. This intense desire to be and do the right thing to keep everyone happy fills us with self-doubt as we measure our self-worth in terms of whether others are pleased with us, or not. Try the following quick quiz to see if your desire to please others might be standing in the way of your happiness.

Quick quiz: Are you trying to keep everyone happy?

Look at the following questions choosing answers A or B.

1 A friend has asked you a favour (the third one this week) and you just wish she would stop assuming that you will be at her beck and call.
A You agree to do it.
B You tell her that you are sorry but you just haven’t time.

2 It feels like there are not enough hours in the day and you are stretched beyond your limit because you have taken on too much.
A You just try to do everything twice as fast and wind yourself up.
B You recognise the danger signs and let go of the least important items on your to do list.

3 Someone you work with is very negative and her constant complaining gets you down.
A You always let her have her say even though you don’t want to listen to her.
B You reply in a lighthearted way and outweigh her negativity with your positivity.

4 Someone makes an unjustified critical comment about you and you feel hurt.
A You feel like a fool and don’t know what to say.
B You challenge the person and tell them that you don’t deserve that sort of remark.

5 A family member is abusing your goodwill and you are fed up.
A You feel too uncomfortable to speak up and so it carries on.
B You find a diplomatic way of making your feelings clear; you know that there is no need to fall out over this.

6 You are feeling justifiably angry.
A You don’t want anyone to see your anger and you squash it as soon as you can.
B You are able to let yourself feel angry when it is necessary.

7 An acquaintance invites you to a party but you really don’t want to go.
A You go anyway because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
B You say that you would have loved to go but unfortunately you are busy that night.

8 You were tempted to buy a fabulous new dress in your lunch hour but you are worrying about what your partner will say.
A When you get home you hide it in the back of the wardrobe.
B You put it on and show him how wonderful you look.

9 The new boss at work seems to expect you to stay late most nights.
A You don’t complain and just stay until she says it’s time to go.
B You explain that you don’t mind staying on occasionally but that most nights you need to leave on time.

10 Relatives are coming to your place for a big family get together but on the day you feel ill and not up to entertaining.
A You just get on with it, you don’t like to let everyone down.
B You know that they will all understand so you ring around and set a new date for the party.

11 You book a restaurant table for a special event and when you get there you find yourselves hidden away in a dark corner.
A You say nothing and make the best of it.
B You ask to be moved.

12 Everyone is leaving the domestic chores for you to do when you get home for work.
A You get on with them because there’s no point in asking for help, it’s more trouble than it’s worth.
B You decide to get to grips with this once and for all and you make a rota which clearly allocates specific jobs to each member of the family.

13 Your boyfriend turns up late again.
A If you say anything he will get angry so you don’t challenge him.
B You tell him that you don’t feel that he respects your time when he keeps being late.

14 You have to make a very tricky decision and it’s hard to know
what to do for the best.
A Other people keep giving advice and you just get more and more confused.
B You listen to the opinions of others but in the end you do what your instinct tells you to do.

15 A friend keeps ringing you with her relationship problems and she talks to you for a long time most nights.
A When she rings you always ditch your own plans for the evening because you want to be a good friend.
B Next time she rings you tell her that you are on your way out but that you would be happy to talk next time you are free.

Score 1 for each time you answered A. Score 2 for each time you answered B.

If you scored 15-19

Your desire to keep others happy stands in the way of your own happiness. There are many occasions when you ignore your own feelings so that you don’t have to rock the boat. Beneath your compliant exterior you probably feel very angry and unappreciated but you find it so difficult to put yourself first. Maybe you are afraid of how others will react if you begin to recognise and express your own needs.

Do this
• Consider your own worth and recognise that your happiness is as important as anyone else’s. If you give away your power to other people they will soon begin to treat you like a doormat.
• Don’t teach others to treat you badly or you will always be unhappy and dissatisfied.
• Choose one instance where you need to be more assertive. Decide who you need to speak to and what you need to say and then just go and do it.

If you scored 20-24

Sometimes you do come forward and speak your mind, even if you know that it will displease others, but afterwards you often feel guilty and wish you had kept quiet. You hate being criticised and it is this that frequently prompts your desire to please everyone. Part of you is quite ready and able to act in your own best interests and you do know that you would be much happier if you were more resolute.

Do this
• Say what you have to say and do what you have to do and respect yourself. Let go of those guilty feelings and trust your own judgement.
• The more you practice saying ‘no’ the easier it will get. Go out there and start practising.
• Cultivate your strong and assertive side; it will always guide you in the right direction.

If you scored 25-30

Well done! You know how to assert yourself and you are not a people pleaser. You have a healthy respect for yourself and the value of your time and so others are inclined to treat you well. Because your happiness levels are not dependent on what other people think you are much more in control of your own moods. You understand that although you will feel sad and low sometimes this isn’t the end of the world and your mood will improve. Happiness is a state of mind and you are always ready to do what it takes to bounce back with a smile.

Do this
• Keep working on your positive thinking, it is a wonderful strength that you can always fall back on.
• Take your fabulous happy vibes out into the world and share them; happiness is contagious.
• Find some new happiness habits in this book and add them to your repertoire and you will feel even happier!

Of course this issue of other peoples’ happiness is not always clear-cut because sometimes another person’s wellbeing is our happiness. For example, when do we stop being a kind and caring parent who is working for her child’s good and become a downtrodden, taken for granted mum? And isn’t it right to put our partner’s wishes before our own sometimes; surely that is part of being in a loving relationship? If a family member or close friend needs our help and support we might need to put our own immediate wishes on the back burner.
There is certainly a thin line between being a good friend / partner /daughter /mother……etc and being a victim. Only you can know when you have crossed this line in any of your relationships. Some clues can be found in the way that you feel. If you are feeling angry, lacking in confidence, unappreciated, irritated, taken for granted, demoralised or any other similarly negative emotion you can be sure that you have crossed that line and that your happiness is being sacrificed for someone else’s. If you recognise that this is happening in your life right now then take heart, you can change this situation. Begin to put your own wellbeing at the forefront of your life and remember that you can only give to others when you have something to give. The biggest gift you can share with anyone is the joy of happiness. Let your happiness come first for the next ten days and you will be renewed and regenerated. Your perspective will become much more positive and you will know exactly how much you are prepared to give to others and when to pull back and give to yourself. Increase your happiness levels and every aspect of your life will change for the better.

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from my book, Fast Track to Happiness.

GET THE CONFIDENCE TO GO FOR YOUR GOALS

You might have a clear vision of your preferred future and know the steps you need to take but still be unable to commit yourself to an action plan. If a lack of confidence stops you moving forward then you need to face your doubts head-on and check how realistic they are. When we are thrashing around in self-doubt we are often inclined to believe that we lack the necessary confidence to do whatever it is we are being called to do. But confidence is a quality that is often bestowed on us after we have taken what feels like a risky step. By definition, moving out of a comfort zone is bound to feel uncomfortable, but if you can take your courage in both hands and believe in yourself (in spite of your fears) the personal rewards are huge. As soon as you take that leap of faith your confidence immediately rises; yes you did go for it and this in itself increases your self-belief. The more you are prepared to act on your own behalf the more you will trust yourself to be able to make good choices and clear decisions. In the immortal words of Eleanor Roosevelt:

‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.’

Our self-limiting thoughts are usually based in old negative beliefs that have very little basis in reality. But here’s the thing: we can never achieve anything unless we can believe that it is possible for us. For example if I don’t believe that I can get that great promotion then I probably won’t even bother to apply for it. And even if I do my doubts will affect the quality of my application and interview. Lack of self-belief is as obvious as a measles rash. So decide not to indulge yourself in beliefs about what you can’t do and instead focus on what you can do. Stop waiting for confidence to appear in your life and start to develop it by thinking and acting positively. Confident and courageous people are self-starters who have acquired these personal qualities by following their dreams and overcoming failures and disappointments by bouncing back over and over again.

Ask yourself the following questions and find out if you have what it takes to go for your goals.

Where do I want to be in 5 years time?

If you carry on doing what you are doing will you have reached your outcome? Are you actively working towards that future now? Such questions are sometimes all it takes to kick-start us into action.

What do I need to believe about myself before I can go for my
dreams?

When we put our fabulous plans on hold for too long we become dispirited, demotivated, unenthusiastic and generally depressed. If you are feeling disappointed by life then this a sign that you are not doing what you are here to do. Those negative self-beliefs will always keep you down so stop indulging them. Believe the very best about yourself and you will develop all the confidence you need to move forward.

Where have I been successful in the past?

We all have a habit of moving goalposts. In other words as soon as we have achieved something we busily rush on to the next thing without celebrating our success. Look back at your significant achievements and let them remind you of your inner strength and your ability to see things through. You did it then and you can do it now!

How can I maintain my motivation?

It’s easy to get enthusiastic at the beginning of a project when we are full of exciting ideas. But then, when we need to activate our plans and get down to the practical details our wonderful project might just feel like a lot of hard work. A great way to stay motivated is to keep taking a short-term view. Don’t keep looking at the long-term goal or you will get impatient and lose interest. Break down your action plan into manageable bite-sized chunks so that you are always achieving something. And keep patting yourself on the back each time you take a new step, however small it might be.

Do I really love my goal?

I know that we have looked at this issue before but it is such an important subject. We change, circumstances alter and goals sometimes need to be revised. Keep checking your commitment to your outcome and if you feel your interest waning consider why this might be. Be warned: if you don’t love your goal then you are unlikely to achieve it.

When did I last demonstrate my ability to bounce back?

Recognise your inner strength and powers of resilience by casting your mind back to past challenges. Consider the last time you faced a major setback. How did you respond to the situation and how did you cope with any difficult feelings? You see, you have bounced back before and so you know that you have all the resilience you need. Use this technique whenever you doubt your strength of spirit.

Do I act confidently?

If you are taking a step that looks like a risk then you might not feel very confident, but you can boost your positive power by behaving confidently. If you act timidly then you will lose all self-belief and others will pick up on your insecurity. So bravely step forward, take a deep breath, adopt good posture, put on a happy face and then just do what has to be done. Act confidently and you will feel and think confidently.

How will I know the right steps to take?

If you have made a sensible action plan then one step will inevitably lead to the next. But being a successful self-starter is not only about what you do it also depends upon your ability to tap into your gut feelings. Trust your instincts before you make a decision and go with what feels right for you.

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from my book, Fast Track to Happiness.

LET GO OF PERFECTIONISM

‘Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.’

Salvador Dali

Only when it’s perfect will I be happy; I can’t go for my goals until I lose some weight; the house must be immaculate before I can throw a party; everything has got to be totally together for me to feel confident … I must be Superwoman!

Do you recognise this way of thinking? Perhaps your life feels like a tremendous balancing act that must be maintained at all costs. Are you rushing around keeping everything together, juggling career; family; friends; children; washing; shopping; cooking … or whatever, in your quest to be the most perfect woman in the world? Are you inclined to judge the value of your days by an exacting set of standards? Are you always striving to achieve more; do you ever let up on yourself and take some time-out?

You might not consider yourself to be a perfectionist but even so it’s worthwhile checking any tendencies you might have in this direction as they would certainly have a negative effect on your confidence levels. It’s only too easy to sabotage our success by being overcritical of our endeavours.

6 Ways to Give Yourself a Break

1. Tell yourself you are doing well.
2. Remember that you are ‘good enough’ just the way you are.
3. Stop speaking to yourself in a critical voice.
4. Consider how perfectionism feeds into low self-confidence.
5. Accept your imperfections and admire your stamina.
6. Remind yourself to enjoy the journey towards your goals.

Give yourself an instant confidence boost by repeating the mantra:
‘I am good enough’.

Copyright © Lynda Field 2015

Adapted from my book, Weekend Life Coach.